Your child might have started as a new student this year, moved to a new class without many of their old friends, or joined a new team or activity. Making new friends can make them feel nervous or excited (or maybe both). Having friends helps your child develop social skills, feel supported, experience new things and have fun together, and provides a sense of belonging.
So how do we make friends?
Here are some tips for children.
• Friends are people you have fun with, look for people who are nice to you, kind to others, include you in things and share some of your interests.
• It’s easier to make friends when you smile, make eye contact and look friendly- they might be nervous about making friends too, so your smile helps them relax.
• Approach someone who’s on their own- this is easier than approaching a whole group!
• Say hello and ask, ‘Hey can I sit with you?’ or maybe say something nice about them or ask them about a TV show or sport they might be into. You can also try asking them what they like to do in their free time. Keep the conversation going with follow up questions. Make sure to take turns listening and talking.
• If you are joining a group game, you can approach a friendly child and ask, ‘That looks fun! Can I join in?’
• Join some extra activities like school clubs, sport teams, after school care for a few afternoons a week, lunch time special interest groups etc. It’s a great way to meet likeminded people and get to know them in a fun low-pressure way, plus you will always have something in common to talk about!
• Focus on quality friendships. The ones you invest your time in are the ones that tend to last. Make time for the friends you already have (as well as new ones) and spend regular time together.
• Be welcoming. If you have made a few good friends, that’s great! Just remember to be open to other children wanting to spend time with you all too.
Tips for parents
• If you are concerned about how your child is going, talk to your child’s class teacher, they may be able to help seat or buddy up your child with some potential friends.
• Organise some play dates so your child has extra opportunities to get to know friends and have fun.
• Be realistic about expectations. Extraverted children may have a wider set of friends than an introvert who may prefer a small group of close friends.
• Encourage your kids! If your child experiences social anxiety they may not want to go on play dates or to birthday parties. Helping a child systematically face their fear and stopping their avoidance is key to helping them cope and build confidence. Highlight little efforts your child makes in anxious situations. If persistent anxiety is causing your child to feel isolated, talk to your child’s Class teacher, GP, or School Well Being Staff/ School Counsellor.
• It can sometimes feel like school is their whole world, but life is so much bigger than that. If your child is not clicking with people at school try finding connections elsewhere. Try local clubs, playgrounds, special interest groups, school holiday programs or sports teams that your child might enjoy.